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Joke of the Day

"Hey, remember when AT&T told you to ""reach out and touch someone"" and you ended up with that restraining order? Good times!"

"How do you use a condom twice? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it."

"[aquarium exit] Excuse me ma'am, would you mind opening your bag? I beg your pardon?! OPEN YOUR BAG *opens bag and reveals two penguins*"

"Jewish kid asks his father for $50 ... His father replies: ""Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"""

"What do you call the underwear of someone experiencing nocturnal emissions? Dreamcatchers"

"Sitting around the outdoor campfire I chuckle to myself My friend asks, what's so funny? I reply, ""I can't tell you out here, it's an inside joke."""

"I love everybody. Even you, insecure person reading this hoping someone loves you ... even you."

"How many Latinos does it take to do a wax job? A Brazillion!"

"So i was banging a girl yesterday and she kept on saying another guys name... Who the fuck is rape?"

"Q: How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder."