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Joke of the Day

"THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise"

"My brother has muscular dystrophy and we got into an argument about religion I told him his argument is just as valid as his legs.... Weak."

"Respect If you use the term ""respectively"" respectfully or you use the term ""respectively"" disrespectfully, I have a lot of respect for you and I disrespect you, respectively."

"Yesterday I raped a deaf-mute girl... ...I ve broken her arms so she couldn t tell anyone."

"Wanna have a little fun? Go to Facebook and post ""Anyone know a good lawyer?"" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!"

"What's black and doesn't work? Decaf, you racist sons of bitches."

"Sorry I'm late, guys. SOMEbody.. *gestures at wife* told me this knife fight started at.. *sees everyone holding guns* FANtastic, Ellen"

"Did you hear about... ...the optometrist who fell in his lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself."

"How do you kill a vegan? A steak through their heart."

"I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems."