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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbanzo bean? You wouldn't pay money to have a Garbanzo bean on your face!"

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"How many SJWs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. They hold it in place and expect the world to revolve around them."
"[creation] GOD: You all have a divine purpose HORSE: I will plow man's field COW: I will give man milk GUINEA PIG: I will test man's shampoo"
"Do you like him like him, or just Facebook like him?"
"Knock Knock Knock knock Knock knock knock knock KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Whitney, Hurry up in there I gotta take a shit!!!"
"[first date] ""What's wrong?"" I don't like the ambulance in this place [sniggering] ""You mean ambience"" [next table] NEE NAW NEE NAW WOOOOOO"
"I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key.. Stayed stationary."
"Trigger warning!! The next 4 years in America"
"My parents always taught me to pursue my dreams. That's why I take so many naps."
"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat miner"
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