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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? You didn't, the brakes did. Cop: But do you know why? Cuz I pressed the pedal with my foot? Cop: Get out."

"If we paid teachers more, they'd probably stop dating their students. At this point, a 16 year old working at Quiznos doubles their income."

"When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. After a while, my mum said, ""Just use a fcuking spoon, Mike. You're not a Jedi."""

"Doctor Am I pregnant? A lady goes to a doctor to find out if she is pregnant Doc: Hmm, Looks like your Preganant... Girl: Am I? Doc: No it just looks like you are"

"I asked my girlfriend to shave her cunt. I woke up the next morning bald."

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? One goes \*whack* ""Fuck."" The other goes ""Fuck."" \*whack*"

"Don't you hate when someone without kids tells you how to parent? I think I know how much alcohol my kids can handle."

"Why is Victoria Beckham not in a commercial for 'Old Spice'?"

"This Post just says it all! It all."

"Xmas Russian Roulette: 1. Sit next to parents. 2. Type any letter into browser on your laptop. 3. Go to the website it auto completes to."