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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I'm puking I worry I might be pregnant then I remember I'm not Mary And that requires sex Then I laugh And keep puking"

"I want to piss on the guy that stole my tweet, changed it slightly and submitted as his own on FunTweets and then set him on fire."

"How to pick up a woman at Walmart. Very slowly and team lift with your legs."

"Approx 4,500yrs ago men would wake up everyday to build the great pyramid. I got up this morning with anxiety about unloading the dishwasher"

"ople who say they'd go back and change things in their life if they could are pussies, you don't get this awesome without the shitty parts"

"Sexually and mentally confused white bear Bipolar bear"

"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? It was a while ago... but I heard he's al right now"

"when i was a kid i never trusted stairs. those bastards were always up to something."

"Knock Knock Somebody knocks on door: - Who is there? - Police? - What do you want? - We want to talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - So talk with each other."

"I would tell a chemistry joke... But all the good ones Argon."