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Joke of the Day

"why does everyone want the new white iphone? don't they know the black one runs faster?"

"On the bright side, smoking cigarettes reduces the risk of winning a marathon."

"I do all my addition in my head. It's the thought that counts."

"What's the first thing a 16 yr old, from Arkansas, says after sex? Get off me Pa you're crushing my Copenhagen!"

"How do Australians breathe? They exhale"

"PUTIN: If your American lover is in this room I'll kill him ELENA: He's not! PUTIN: (softly) u...s... [bursting from closet] A! USA! USA!"

"Have you ever tried duck sausage? Why don't you duck on down and get you some?"

"You're a recruiter and Google is not blocked by your company filter. What folder do emails from histrionic venture capitalists go in? [deleted]"

"What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?"

"So we need to go over your drug history... Let me stop you there. It's gonna be quicker if I just tell you the ones's I haven't done."