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Joke of the Day

"Roses are red. My name is not Dave. This poem makes no sense. Microwave."

"what if all your eggs hatched and when u opened the fridge a dozen baby chicks were staring up at u like u were their mom"

"NORAD tracking Santa? Really? That's what my tax dollars are going to? You're tracking a fictitious fat dude?"

"Why doesn't Mexico win Olympic Medals? Because all their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America."

"[junkyard dog barking viciously and running directly at me] Me: Wow he must really want me to pet him"

"Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased"

"Seize the day. Attack the week. Murder the month. Approach your life in a generally violent way."

"When a guy shaves his head bald and wears a sweatband, the top of his head looks like a stick of roll-on deodorant."

"Wanna hear a dirty joke? Two white stallions fell in the mud."

"If your wife says ""what would you do without me?"" ""Live happily ever after"" is NOT the correct answer. Brrrr it's cold in this doghouse :("