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Joke of the Day

"""YOU'RE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!"" - I yell at the McDonalds drive thru cashier after she tells me its 25 cents more for extra BBQ sauce."

"I had to return those books on Middle Eastern agricultural products. They were past the Dubai dates."

"You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera."

"Auto correct tries to change the word ""pussies"" to ""Aussies"".... Just saying."

"The other day, I was looking through my socks, when I found one had a hole in it... ""darn it..."" I muttered."

"Ladies, if you give men a choice between two things we'll pick the first. We stopped listening and didn't hear the second."

"My girl friend is a sex object. When I ask for sex, she objects."

"Which chord do pedophiles like the most? A minor"

"Why did Kermit the Frog split with Ms. Piggy? Because she wouldn't rub it rub it. (blame Happy International Bacon Day)"

"We are all God`s children... so why is Jesus so special? thanks to Jimmy Carr for this one"