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Joke of the Day

"Q: Chief Running Water had two sons. What were their names? A: Hot and Cold."

"The inventor of predictive text has died His funfair is hello on sundial."

"there are some really great cocktails you can have when it gets cold. Gin and coffee, gin and hot water, microwaved gin, go nuts"

"How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook? She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece."

"What did the doctor say to the angry midget? I'm going to have to ask you to be a little patient."

"Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs."

"Rain is just God listening to Bon Iver."

"What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off.(NSFW)"

"Me: I feel skinnier today! Scale: Nope."

"Police commissioner, do we have any leads in the Trump assassination case? It's too early to tell, but we have reason to believe the gun belonged to Gov. Jeb Bush"