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Joke of the Day

"I went hardcore camping last weekend. Let's just say, it was intense."

"Shhhhh! I can't hear about how God spoke to you! I'm busy listening to my toaster tell me about his day."

"Elephants and a Guy Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: ""I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"

"Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker? He wrote ""1 + 0 = 0"" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out..."

"Me: Good night, moon. [30 mins later] Moon: I thought you went to bed. I saw you favorite that tweet. Why aren't you reading my messages?"

"What do you call a crazy chicken ? A cuckoo cluck !"

"All I'm saying is no one ever country westerns you like a hurricane."

"Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . ."

"Why can't you starve in a desert? Because of all the sand which is there."

"People who say losing weight is ""just math"" clearly have no idea how far out of my way I go to avoid math."