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Joke of the Day

"""So I was on a spaceship, and you were there, but it was not you, you know? Anyways..."" - MLK's less important dream"

"Before you criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."

"What's the difference between a Swedish jam band and slam dunking a baby? One's a Swedish Phish and the other's a fetus swish"

"I love garbage day... Once a week my street celebrates me"

"Girls and square roots have one thing in common... If they are under 13, do 'em in your head."

"Shortest joke a software developer can tell: ""I'll be ready soon."" Software Engineering try o do work smart not to work hard."

"I, for one, like Roman Numerals"

"Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*"

"Did you know in the state of Kentucky, if you divorce your wife.... She just becomes your cousin"

"As I sit here naked in Hugh Jackman's hotel room, it occurs to me that I might have mixed up my bucket list with my wife's."