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Joke of the Day

"wait, THESE are pistachios? i've been calling them wood clams"

"Last night I got a handjob from a blind girl She said, ""You've got the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."" I said, ""nah, you're just pulling my leg."""

"How do you ask a priest to hand you the spaghetti? Pasta pasta, pasta."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick down your throat"

"I wrote a song about a tortilla... Well, actually, it's more of a wrap."

"Joke i heard between 2 airport janitors. A:""where are you going?"" B:""to the toilet, where else can one go in an airport?"" --- I would like to add that my emotional response was mixed."

"Why do white girls like odd numbers? Because they can't even."

"Why did ISIS burn 10000 copies of ""Dark Side Of The Moon""? Because it's a terrible album."

"What's grey and comes in pints? An elephant."

"I like all my women to be Just the same as my morning coffee, I.e. liquid and hot, Often drunk on a yacht And usually bought for a fee."