229452
Joke of the Day
"My cell-mate had nick name for me... Mitochondria."
Next Joke
"Him: How many glasses of wine have you had today? Me: One, but it was in the shape of a giant bottle."
"Q: Why are doctors sued for malpractice at the beach? A: Because they are judged by a jury of their piers."
"Wait...so I get a million dollars AND I get to punch a baby in the face? -me when someone asks if I would punch a baby for a million bucks"
"Old school chicken joke Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and crossed the road again? Because he was a dirty double-crosser!"
"*sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*"
"Judge: Your first marriage was terminated by death? A: Yes by death. Judge: And by whose death was it terminated?"
"ME: *opens car door for date like a gentleman* DATE: *running and out of breath* PLEASE STOP THE CAR"
"What do you call an insignificant underage coal digger? A minor minor miner"
"An atheist, a vegan, and a CrossFitter walk into a bar.. I only know because they told everyone within two minutes."