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Joke of the Day
"How do you turn a robot on? You push his power button."
Next Joke
"The Macarena began playing through the dental office speakers as I lied helpless with the hygienist's hands in my mouth today. #survivor"
"The wife asks her husband -What do you prefer, honey? A smart woman or a beautiful woman? -Neither sweetie, you know I only have eyes for you"
"I get about your body being a temple but... right now I wanna turn mine into a bouncy castle, it sounds more like fun. I'm all about fun."
"My friend has a thing for sinking ships They go down quicker."
"There are two secrets to being a successful businessman. 1) Never tell people everything you know... 2)"
"Of all the possible utensils you can use to eat rice... ...how the fuck did two sticks win?"
"People are funny. They spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like."
"My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store The man behind the counter said ""are you going to put it up yourself?"" Mom says ""no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"""
"I wanted to have a blimp of my own But it is so above my reach due to all the inflation!"