229343

Joke of the Day

"Wife: I'm going to grab some dinner, you want anything? Me: No thanks, I'm stuffed. Wife: Ok, I'm going to Taco... Me: I'll have 9 tacos."

"In truth, spiders are harmless* *Save for a few species whose venom reprograms your immune system to tell your body to eat its own organs."

"I just moved to a new housing estate and asked my girlfriend to celebrate with anal Her response; ""N.I.M.B.Y"""

"What do you call a dead baby with a yeast infection? ....... a quarter pounder with cheese."

"A summary of all Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us. We won. Lets eat."

"Five second rule? Pfft. What's the point of having an immune system if you're not going to use it?"

"Why did Ted Cruz's father assassinate JFK? To get to the other side!"

"Devil worshipper leader: ""Due to a typo we have summoned the wrong demon."" Stan: ""Hey there."""

"GUYS! You'll never guess what I just did for a Klondike Bar! I took my wallet out of my back pocket and gave the cashier $1.29, plus tax."

"Feeling pretty tough after some dodgy Indian takeaway last night If anyone needs me, I'll be vindaloo."