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Joke of the Day

"I want to die like my grandfather did Quiet and peacefully, unlike the screaming passengers in his car."

"So then, the rhino looked at the elephant and said ""What about the weasel?"" That's the punchline. Comment with the lead up and may the best one win."

"NORMAL PEOPLE: ""aww, they're such a cute couple"" ME: ""I wonder if they fu***d yet"""

"An Irishman walks out of a bar. ..."

"Secret to wine tasting is to open the bottle and allowing it to breathe If it doesn't look like it is breathing, then give it a mouth-to-mouth"

"Your mom is like Reddit always under a heavy load"

"My food pyramid is a cup of coffee sitting on a pack of cigarettes."

"What do you call a five year old with no friends? [dark] A sandy hook survivor"

"I call my friend the revolving door When it comes to girls, he just can't close"

"What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm? Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back if my girlfriend's throat at 60 miles per hour."