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Joke of the Day

"[high] ME: dude, NASA faked the moon landing FRIEND: wait, u mean- ME: yep, the moon never landed at all, it's still out there somewhere"

"What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed."

"I like to do the same thing to my girlfriend that I do with my drum set Pretend that I have one"

"If a horse's front legs are traveling at 200mph, what are it's back legs doing? Hauling ass."

"Why do husbands typically die before their wives? They want to."

"How do you know Moby Dick was a gay whale? Because he was trying to swallow the sea men..."

"What to do if you run over a black man in the rain? Well, you have an hour before the rain dries..."

"I can't believe I'm in class on Presidents' Day. This is an obamanation."

"I'm calling it now: I'm going to discover the cure for blindness and make billions of dollars someday. You'll all see."

"What is Donald Trump telling Independents? Orange is the new black."