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Joke of the Day

"I'm calling it now: I'm going to discover the cure for blindness and make billions of dollars someday. You'll all see."

"GUY: are u doing the mannequin challenge? ME: [standing perfectly still w/ awkward facial expression] no this is just how I am around people"

"Remember the game where you would take turns yelling, ""Penis!"" in public? Life was so simple before 9/11."

"What's the difference between and egg and a wank? You can beat an egg."

"There'd be no reason to see a doctor if WebMD gave out prescriptions."

"What was Camelot ? A place where people parked their camels !"

"I want a rich person to hire me to float around in their pool and feed me bread I want to be a wealthy person's duck"

"Some folks just can't pull off a bow tie... ...and they choke to death."

"Irony= someone tweeting about how broke they are and at the bottom of their post it says: 8 minutes ago via iPad 2 -__-"

"2 reasons not to drink toilet water: Number 1 and number 2."