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Joke of the Day

"My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head."

"I couldn't see my dad anymore after his sex change. He's transparent."

"Q: How do dogs order eggs at restaurants? A: Pooched."

"Just one bottle of vitaminwater provides a full day's supply of unnecessary and gullible. Also, electrolytes."

"Rumor has it that the Canadian immigration website crashed because.., Amy Schumer was on it"

"What do you call a greedy lesbian? Bush hog."

"President Obama has done nothing for the people of Ohio. For example they still live there"

"How is Twitter like Game of Thrones? There's 140 characters, and they are all terrible."

"A man rings work to tell them he's sick. ""How sick are you?"" ""How sick? Well, I'm fucking my sister for a start."""

"This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of ""Cats"" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer."