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Joke of the Day

"Cop - ""sir, are you a salamander?"" Me - [is 9 inches long. enjoys a mixed diet of earthworms, flies, beetles and vegetation]"

"So i picked up this girl the other night... And she was all like ""Put me down!!!"""

"Tit for tat My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, ""Well Shona? Do you think you'll be next?"" We settled this quickly once I started doing the same to them at funerals."

"Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through."

"What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey? A Tryptophanatic"

"North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When everyone knows that America is the best country in the world."

"me: [comes running down the stairs with a baseball glove] robber: why are u wearing a glove me: I meant to grab my bat lol robber: lol"

"Why do people get addicted to meth? Because they didn't think of the aftermeth."

"What's the difference between God and a medical school graduate? God doesn't think he's a doctor."

"12 year old girls are an untapped market."