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Joke of the Day

"Cop - ""sir, are you a salamander?"" Me - [is 9 inches long. enjoys a mixed diet of earthworms, flies, beetles and vegetation]"

"How do you know a black man has been on your computer. It's not there."

"A Roman Walks Into a Bar... and holds up his middle and pointer fingers. ""Five beers please,"" he says."

"hot singles are in your area, merging together into a plurality, a hot leviathan. the time for chat is over. this is not your area anymore"

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly a dick in your mouth."

"[guy who just got out of prison on a technicality] ""what were you in for?"" murder, a guy... a guy... ""spit it out man"" a guy, interrupted me"

"Still good at casually flexing my bicep the second before a girl touches it."

"Duct tape can't fix stupidity, but it can muffle it."

"How did the man get stuck at the Russian airport? He got snowden."

"Two vultures boarded an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. Thestewardess looked at them and said, ""I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrionper passenger is allowed."""