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Joke of the Day

"Being in love is amazing, the way it takes your breath away, closes your air passages and renders you unconscio--no, wait, that's asthma."

"Whoever first said ""No news is good news"" never had their cable & Internet go out for two days"

"Yo mama's so ugly Even her dildo went limp."

"Roses... Roses are red My name is not Dave This makes no sense Microwave *Drops Mic*"

"How does Princess Leia masturbate? Hand Solo"

"Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience."

"Madonna fell while performing at a show yesterday. When asked about it, she said... ""All that time on my back reminded me of the 80's"""

"Why did the blonde call the welfare office? She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!"

"What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job fucking sucks"

"(Works better spoken) The seaman was asked what he was doing when he got out. He said when he got discharged he'd be buried in pussy."