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Joke of the Day

"Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president. I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email"

"You kick one baby and everyone's like ""That's not a football"" and ""He's not breathing, call 911."" Draaaaaama."

"The most perfect method to say the perfect punch-line. /pnt.lan/ assuming of course you know how to read ""phonetic transcription""."

"What do you call an Anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese! -From *Cedar Rapids* the movie"

"Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?"" ""Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears."""

"Does anybody want this last piece of rain forest?"

"Wife asked if I was going to take out the trash. Told her I didn't know her sister needed a ride home. I'm bleeding. Call 911"

"What do you call a lesbian ice cream sandwich? A Klondyke bar."

"Which of the twelve knights built King Arthur's round table? Sir cumference"

"Why are churches never broke? Because Jesus saves."