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Joke of the Day

"i made the starbucks guy say large instead of venti I HAVE ALREADY CONQUERED WEDNESDAY WHAT NOW"

"I got a starfish for a pet It was a no-brainer."

"Tragic reports as customers find themselves trapped inside a burning Apple store There were no windows."

"What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth taken out? The dentist."

"If there isn't a Chinese millionaire called 'Cha Ching' I will be so disappointed."

"The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling ""woo hoo"", but after that my schedule is wide open"

"Glad to live in a time where being social doesn't require making eye contact."

"What mouse was a Roman emperor ? Julius Cheeser !"

"[dismissed from jury duty because I kept coughing loudly the words 'bribe me']"

"As a child, 'The Jetsons' gave me unrealistic expectations for the future: like having a wife who loves me & owning a dog."