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Joke of the Day

"If you're not saying ""you're an idiot"" a few times during any interaction with me, you're not truly appreciating the depth of who I am."

"My friend's offering to pay for a trip to NY to be her +1 for a wedding. She's probably going to drug me & sell my organs. *agrees to go :)"

"Said this at dinner last night. Bit creepy, but laughs were had. ""He may die a virgin but he ain't gonna be buried one."""

"Went to a sausage party It was the wurst."

"How to properly use a paper clip: 1. Throw in garbage 2. Use a stapler"

"What do you call two black people bargaining on terms? A Negrotiation"

"Your honor, may I approach the bench? ""You may."" *walks up to bench* *boops judge's nose*"

"What did the Dead Head say, after he ran out of weed? ""Damn, this music sucks!"""

"Jack and John A guy in a plane stood up and shouted ""Hijack!"" Everyone panicked. From the other end of the plane a man stood up and shouted back ""Hi John!"""

"My dog kept digging holes in the back yard... ..so I hide all the shovels"