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Joke of the Day

"What does a tuna, a glue stick, and a piano have not have in common? You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

"I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life ...if I die next Tuesday."

"My friends wanted to play a board game but we couldn't find a game that we were all in the mood for. We finally settled on Catan."

"CARPET SALESMAN: [sighing, handing me another sample] What about this one for your bedroom? ME: Hmmm no that one is also far too small"

"what's the difference between oral and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal makes your hole weak."

"Why can't you trick an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday."

"Why are black people so fast? Cause the slow ones are in jail"

"Don't you just hate it when you meet a hot girl, you look her up on Facebook and find there are fucking 150 + mutual friends and nobody told you about her. Thanks a lot assholes."

"I find it odd that my son's teacher would like to see him skip grade one without knowing how horribly he screwed up when doing our taxes."

"How does a feminist ask for Halloween candies? Trigger Treat."