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Joke of the Day

"it says here you got fired from Olive Garden because you kept saying ""pasta la vista, baby"" to people. why would you put that on a resume"

"What do you call a black guy who fly's a plane for a living? A PILOT you fucking racist!"

"Sorry I'm late, guys. SOMEbody.. *gestures at wife* told me this knife fight started at.. *sees everyone holding guns* FANtastic, Ellen"

"I was going to post a joke on reddot But then I git high"

"Startin' a band with some guys I used to work with called LinkedIn Park."

"How does Harry Potter get down a hill?.....He walks Jk Rowling"

"Why do all the lesbians shop at The Sports Authority? Because they don't like Dicks."

"In preschool, I became friends with a little girl I showed her mine, and she showed me hers. However, a preschool teacher found out about it, and I was fired."

"Ha, I told my brother that carbon had seven protons and he believed me. He was mean to me when we were kids."

"If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris."