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Joke of the Day

"CNN just wondered if I'm sending disasters to punish you for your sins. No, I'm sending them to punish you for CNN."

"I now pronounce you internet boyfriend and girlfriend. You may put your hand down your pants and kiss your phone."

"*pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand* Booth operator: ma'am please not again Me: someBODY once tolled me"

"Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog probably just thinks, Awesome, now we're both barking"

"Why wasn't Euro Disney popular? Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered."

"In the future, everyone will have to make a public apology for 15 minutes."

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the titanic? About halfway"

"Are cucumbers the only food you can put over your eyes to reduce puffiness because these pizza bagels aren't helping at all."

"Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke How do you calculate the escape route of a jew? Chimney Height * Strength of wind"

"Who was the roundest member of Sir Arthurs round table? Sir Cumference. He at too much Pi. He ate approximately 3.142 slices"