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Joke of the Day

"Why wasn't Euro Disney popular? Every time they set off the fireworks, the French surrendered."

"[at ATM] Would I like to check my balance? Okay sure. *presses button* *robot leg shoots out and sweeps mine* 'Your balance is: awful'"

"BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle... Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz."

"Why are knives always the funniest students at utensil school? Because they're the class cut-ups."

"I just got my first grey hair. This is the last time I let grandma cook dinner for me."

"I named my Pokemon Margarine... ...because it's butterfree."

"Me: Excuse me, where are your nails that twist? Worker: You mean screws? Me: I don't know, I'm not a nail scientist. Worker...."

"Whats the difference between a smart midget and a venereal disease? Ones a cunning runt..."

"My girlfriend got mad and said she need some time and distance as she left the house crying... I still don't get it why she wants to calculate the velocity"

"Ever been in the shower, already late, when you feel that colorectal peristaltic action and think ""Damnit, I don't have time for this shit!"""