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Joke of the Day

"Why are there different species of hyena? Isn't every hyena we've discovered a spotted hyena?"

"3-year-old: There's a spider on the carpet! Me: Haha, that's just a piece of fuzz. *fuzz moves* Me: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

"I'm sorry, I don't see why you can't have a crack house AND have it tastefully decorated."

"Why are Jewish movies different from other movies? Because they are uncut."

"Oh... Oh dear... it looks like my grandmother's embroidered pillow may have stolen your tweet."

"I think I'm getting Anal Glaucoma.... I don't see my ass going into work today"

"I'm sorry I got you birth control for Christmas and said it was my gift to the world."

"Sometimes I think about how infinite the universe is... and realize that somewhere out there, there's a galaxy shaped like a dick."

"[ouija board] Who are you? *board begins spelling* G-R-E-E-N--M-A-R-I-O What the -- a Luigi Board?! W-A-H-O-O--I-T-S-A--M-E"

"What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy."