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Joke of the Day

"You know those old movies with Jackie Chan where he is reluctant to fight in the beginning, but then he warms up starts swinging like there is no tomorrow?! ... I'm the same way with drinking."

Next Joke
 
"Me:*shows up to 1st date with giraffe* Her: OMG, can this date get any better Me:*pulls out saddle* You bet giraffe it can"
"I accidentally washed a black sock in with my whites and everything came out fine, so I totally get that whole ""I Have a Dream"" thing now."
"How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? 100; 1 to do it, and 99 to say ""I could do that."""
"My friend's bakery burned down last night. I think his business is toast."
"What do you call a fake noodle? ... An ""impasta""!!!!"
"I slept through the alarm this morning Luckily it wasn't a big fire"
"I hate meeting new people. It's like sitting through a fucking job interview to apply for the position of ""acquaintance."""
"What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use some Lube."
"Girlfriend: Stop lying around on the couch all day. Me: But you said we needed to start conserving energy."