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Joke of the Day

"What goes in God's Toilet? Holy crap."

"[pet store] Me *looking at snakes* ""CAN I FEED THEM?"" Pet Store Employee [never looks up from his phone] sure. Me *putting my kids in tank*"

"Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore..... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband."

"Why aren't there any Wal-Marts in the middle east? Because there's a Target on every corner"

"What are the two fastest things in the world? The second fastest is your asshole snapping shut. The first fastest is that little drop of water..."

"A Joke I made up when I was 7 years old (It's politically incorrect) Why did the lady tell her doctor she had breast cancer? Because she wanted to get it off her chest."

"What do you call a treehouse full of women you despise? A country."

"I have just seen a load of dyslexic africans. They were laying flowers at nissan maindealers."

"so m'lady walks into a bar ouch."

"Why were the pirates on the ship fighting? They needed better anchor management."