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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I masturbate while driving The passengers on my bus don't like it, but the high school hasn't fired me yet..."

"So I was thinking while taking the biggest dump of my life... and I just feel so empty inside."

"Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I'll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two."

"Why do 2 bit gamblers never win at blackjack ? Because they can only count to 3."

"Just had a cup of coffee so bad it's the plot for a new Nicolas Cage movie."

"Me and my GF split...she sais "" You never listen...."" Or something like that......."

"Why are women like magazines? They have a lot of issues"

"After a few days without my phone, I've learned what's really important in life. My phone."

"(guy glaring at me because he wants to use the stationary bike) *adds 72 hours to cardio workout*"

"What did the photographer say when he retired? ""I can't take it anymore!"""