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Joke of the Day

"The best part of vacation is not having to brush your teeth!"

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"IF SEAL IS BROKEN, PLEASE NOTIFY ZOOKEEPER IMMEDIATELY"
"I gave my son some masturbation advice. ""Slow the fuck down, you're going to rip my cock off."" I told him."
"When i have sex it's a race to see who comes first ... me or the aspca"
"Are you afraid of quantum mechanics ? Dont worry, it's gonna be Feynman."
"I like my women like I like my viruses. Safely contained on my laptop."
"""Fuck it"" - guy in charge of naming the hot air balloon"
"My son can go from ""omg...you're impossible I can't wait until I'm 18!"" To ""you're the best mom ever"" in a matter of $100"
"I heard the news about Mr. Ali's passing... I was pretty upset. So why am I in the mood for a giant chocolate shake?"
"A witticism of timely and international-political import. Knock Knock. Who's there? Crimea Crimea Who? Crimea River instantrimshot.com"