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Joke of the Day

"As a girl, what's both a good and a bad thing to say when a guy can't get it up? ""No hard feelings"""

"*lights a joint* Woah, fire! Ow! My elbow!"

"The glass ceiling is dangerous. I can't believe they'd let a woman up there. (Credit to Raising Hope)"

"What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia? Thrown in a lake."

"My wife just sent me a text "" I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)"" .....I hope she misspelled Xbox"

"Two blondes walk into a building... You'd think one of em would have seen it! Ba dum tss"

"Other people are gettin these amber alerts, right? Like, it's not up to me to find these kids?"

"I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police."

"My friend says he's got a psychic duck He's got it all dressed up like a gypsy in a little circus tent in his house. ""What are you on?"" I said to him. ""Quack"" said the duck."

"How many /r/The_Donald moderators does it take to change a lightbulb You have been banned from /r/The_Donald for this submission..."