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Joke of the Day
"What times does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Tennish"
Next Joke
"""Daddy, where do babies come from?"" Show him Edna.. [mum stops slicing carrots] *starts violently gagging until a baby slides out her mouth*"
"Getting a tub. Filling it with cookies. Pouring milk over it. Pretending to eat a giant's cereal. Horrifying my wife."
"Thanks to me, you'll probably start seeing 'For Display Only' signs on the toilets at Home Depot."
"Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime."
"""Give me a positive adjective..."" ""Splendid."" ""Nice. Now how about a negative adjective?"" ""Splendidn't."""
"Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor who killed everyone? He had locomotives."
"The UK is leaving the EU and because of that, Scotland is moving for another Independence Referendum... So the english are going to get away scot free!"
"What's red and sits in a corner? A baby with razorblade. What's red and green and sits in a corner? The same baby 3 weeks later."
"BREAKING NEWS: California's drought is over Water supply flourishing from the tears of the racist, homophobic, and conservative southerners."