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Joke of the Day

"Getting a tub. Filling it with cookies. Pouring milk over it. Pretending to eat a giant's cereal. Horrifying my wife."

"After 4 months, I lost 270 pounds Now she's my ex-wife"

"Police: Everything you say can and will be held against you Criminal: Boobs"

"How many Hitlers does it take to change a light bulb? Nein"

"What was the last thing Beethoven accomplished? Decomposing"

"Why was Hitler late to his meeting? He did nazi how late it was!"

"Mary had a little sheep and with the sheep she went to sleep. The sheep turned out to be a ram so Mary had a little lamb."

"COWORKER: how old is our boss? ME: cut him in half & count the rings CW: doesn't that only work on trees? ME: *over chainsaw noises* HE'S 38"

"How can you tell if someone's a vegan? Just wait, they'll tell you"

"How many cats can you fit in a smart car? None, you can't get any pussy in a smart car."