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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a greedy marsupial? A kangajew"

"So, a squirrel walks into a bar- -k"

"Jesus loves everyone. Except manicurists. He always hated having his nails done."

"How do you give a quadriplegic a headache? Ask him to hold open the elevator door"

"Why is the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in Coffee instead of Caw Fee."

"My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer... I said, No, wait! I can change!"

"Arnold Swarzeneggar pushup contest. Arnold Swarzeneggar challenged former President George W. Bush to a pushup contest, and the President accepted. Swarzeneggar did 910, But Bush did 911."

"best Attitude to follow in Life Imagine that you are already dead. This way, whatever u get in life is always a profit for u."

"[if my cat tweeted] When ""over 38"" is sad and missing her boyfriend, I try and cheer her up by peeing on her shoes and puking on her phone."

"I've never been offered money for sex. Never been offered money to not have sex either. So there's that."