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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer... I said, No, wait! I can change!"

"What does a mexican Highlander say? ""THERE CAN BE ONLY JUAN!"""

"Interviewer asked me why I'd make a good waiter? Me: You could say I...bring a lot to the table."

"Ever made love under a mirrored ceiling? I could see myself doing that."

"For the life of me, I can't understand why small and medium pizzas exist."

"Just thought this one up: What do Jay Leno and Payton Manning have in common? They both know when it's time to turn things over."

"what do you call a queue of jokers? a PUNchline"

"I can't believe they still have commercials for phone sex. What kind of sick maniac enjoys ""talking on a phone?"""

"Interviewer: Where do you want to be in 5 years? Me: Oh, it doesn't matter. You will have fired me well before then."

"I was walking around an art gallery with my wife. ""Does anything in this room get you excited?"" she said, with a cheeky wink. I said, ""Yes, some of the paintings."""