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Joke of the Day

"If I have a son, he's going to be named Alvin Simon Theodore, and it'll be funny as hell whenever anyone gets mad and yells his full name."

"My friend gave me his number and told me to hit him up. Now he's got two broken bones and a restraining order..."

"My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with karaoke. I said ""Fine, go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, because your not welcome anymore...."""

"What do you call a dictionary on drugs? An addictionary Alternatively: High definition"

"What happened to the man running in front of a car? He got tired. The man running behind the car -- he got exhausted."

"How did the shrimp eat all the fish food? shellfishly"

"Why did god invent yeast infections? So women know what it's like to be with an annoying cunt"

"I feel bad for kids who see toys on the television but can't order it cause their parents have to be over 18 to call.."

"Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork."

"What do you call the 1 yard line at the Super Bowl? ...A running play - Obviously..."