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Joke of the Day

"A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: ""Wife wanted."" Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ""You can have mine."""

"My alarm is set to the sound of a heart monitor's flatline so I startle awake every morning and think, ""whew. Close call."""

"what is a vegetable's favorite singer? elvis parsley what is a fly's favorite singer? gnat king cole"

"The Physics Department didn't like my Stephen Hawking jokes... ...They all got bent out of shape."

"I want to start body building. I just need to find out where hospitals put the cadavers."

"What do you call a camel without humps? Humphrey."

"I dream of a world without war, without poverty and without girls who post sexy selfies with unrelated inspirational quote captions."

"How do you guys tweet from the toilet? I poop with both hands."

"How do Reavers clean their spears? They run them through the Wash. (In honor of the late Shepard Book. RIP)"

"I read a story by a pregnant woman on reddit She was having trouble with her pregnancy, and she said she would post an update after it was over. OP delivered."