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Joke of the Day

"There's this guy at work who's giving his wife a gym membership & a vegetable juicer for her birthday tomorrow. His name was Tom."

"If by ""cat-person"" you mean do I sleep a lot and will I lose my temper with you without provocation, then yes I'm a cat-person."

"Told my kid not to touch the floor of the bathroom, so he licked the doorknob instead. The dumb is strong in this one."

"There are two major differences between beer and women. When you take the top off a beer, it can't change its' mind, and it can easily be bought and replaced."

"Why does everybody hate the grammar nazi He's just trying to make it Reich"

"Kids from '00 won't get this... Childhood"

"My wife said i couldnt make a car out of spaghetti... should have seen her face when i drove pasta"

"I left my job. Couldn't work for my boss after what he said... ""You're fired."""

"58% of statistics are made up on the spot."

"What does the electron say to the resistor? Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap"