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Joke of the Day

"There's this guy at work who's giving his wife a gym membership & a vegetable juicer for her birthday tomorrow. His name was Tom."

"One of the cooler things you can do when you die is be buried with an elephant bone, just to confuse future archaeologists."

"[Sky-diving] INSTRUCTOR: pull your shute! ME: my shoe? INSTRUCTOR: your parachute! ME: my pair of shoes? [later] CORONER: where's his shoes?"

"Starting now, every hour, on the hour, walk up to a stranger and slip the tongue in. Because it's midnight somewhere. HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

"Which fairground ride is made of iron? The ferrous wheel"

"Either Narnia has really gone downhill or I'm just sitting in some guy's closet."

"What is this special type of waffle called a ""Tennis racket"" and why does it taste like metal wires?"

"Jews rated their trip to Auschwitz: ##**They all gave it one star.**"

"a guy walks into a bar... ...says ""ouch"""

"No autocorrect, I do not want to organism all over his face."