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Joke of the Day

"I left my job. Couldn't work for my boss after what he said... ""You're fired."""

"You know what I love about being bipolar? NOTHING I FUCKING HATE IT!"

"I've been a little worried about the voices I hear in my head,.. .. luckily one of them is a therapist and he's been helping me through it."

"Woman:""Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"" Man: ""Either way love, we'll be having sex in a minute"""

"Why doesn't India celebrate halloween? No Gandhi"

"""I'm usually closed off. But if you get close to me, you'll find that I'll really open up."" -Automatic sliding doors"

"Three men walked into a bar. Don't you think the third one would have ducked?"

"It was so cold last night I saw a lawyer with his hands in his *own* pockets."

"How do you catch a one of a kind bird? Unique up on it. Welcome to kindergarten."

"damn girl, you got a butt that WON'T QUIT *butt pulls out a knife* wait, no- *butt stabs me* no, stop- *butt doesn't stop* ...et tu, bootay"