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Joke of the Day

"My great great grandfather died at Custer's last stand? He didn't die fighting he was camping nearby and went over to complain about the noise."

"I murdered a load of Jehovah's at church today. Don't worry, I left no witnesses."

"What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch? Namaste"

"Hostess: enjoy these complimentary after dinner mints Mints: you have beautiful eyes Me: [blushing] wow they're very complimentary"

"What's the plural of compass? This one's best if you say it out loud. What's the plural of octopus? Octopi. What's the plural of compass? Cumpie."

"If humans were chickens, the French Revolution would've been a lot funnier... because after cutting someone's head off, their headless body would run around a few times."

"I woke up this morning to the maid beating on my door So I finally let her out."

"When the titanic crashed, what were they floating on? An iPhone 7, there was no Jack."

"The thing with people who are bad at counting calories.. ..is that they have the figures to prove it"

"A good pun... A good pun is its own reword."