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Joke of the Day

"*on death bed* priest: any regrets my child? *montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn't try to ride it* me: uhhhhh"

"What do you call a fake noodle? Impasta"

"My longest relationship was when an Uber driver took me all the way to the airport once."

"Two deer walk into a bar... The first deer says, ""Hey, wanna go to a party?"" The second one says, ""I'm game!"""

"I went to a porn star's funeral yesterday... ...I woke up with mourning wood"

"[NSFW] If you can only say nigger if you're black I guess I'm black now?"

"I read in the paper about a hooker starting her own business.... They said that she had a good soft-opening."

"So two muffins are in an oven And on says, ""Gee, it's really hot in here."" And the other muffin says, ""HOLY SHIT A TALKING A MUFFIN!"""

"Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job"

"How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground? The feel the leash go slack! (heard this one while listening to some irish tunes)"