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Joke of the Day

"*on death bed* priest: any regrets my child? *montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn't try to ride it* me: uhhhhh"

"My mom asked me to sit indian style... so I pulled out a bar stool."

"Irony. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn't understand what irony was. Which is ironic because we were in a restaurant."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster chef and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits."

"If plastic bags could be used as currency, my mom would be on a Forbes list."

"Why is Tina Fey so good with her use of irony? It's in the name..."

"Why is leather armor the best for sneaking? Because it's made of hide"

"Any fountain can be a Fountain of Youth if filled with champagne and you've had 5 glasses."

"You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, ""No one will ever believe you."""

"WW2 started from a game of telephone when Hitler said "" I hate shoes"""