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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic."

"You literally misuse the word ""literally"" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally."

"Ugh I hate the bathroom at this mall. There's not a single urinal. Just a bunch of women screaming."

"What is the capital of Greece? More than the capital of the UK."

"I am kinda scared of 2015 because 2+0+1+5=8. The exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 6 more nipples."

"There's a girl that I hate in my office that's white but looks like 'Precious'. I've been calling her ""Pressure"" & blaming my farts on her."

"Why is being in the military like having sex? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel."

"When I was a kid, I thought Reader's Digest recommended the best books to eat"

"Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up."

"Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers."