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Joke of the Day

"Ugh I hate the bathroom at this mall. There's not a single urinal. Just a bunch of women screaming."

"How do you restore your body back to 'factory settings'? Is it kale? it's kale, isn't it? please don't say kale."

"What did the Indian say to the nosy foreigner? ""This is ""naan"" of your business."" Sorry if you didn't laugh."

"Hit on the Head by I. C. Stars"

"Turtle Empathy You know when someone's talking to you and you don't give a fuck about what they're saying? I bet that's how turtles feel about everything."

"What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar ? Weight for it..."

"My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth."

"What did God say when he made black people? ""Ah, shit. A burnt batch."""

"""Do you know what this room needs? At least four paintings of lighthouses!"" white people"