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Joke of the Day

"*tightens straps on electric chair* Any last words? -I think male oysters should be called boysters Omg will someone throw the damn switch"

"What does A&W stand for? 'Amburgers & Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one."

"museum guide: america was founded on july 4, 1776 me: [nodding sagely] ah yes so its a Cancer. this explains everythig"

"""Better to be pissed off than pissed on!"" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I'm not angry or covered in piss."

"Was being tested for allergies at an all-male nudist colony when the power went out... Needless to say, I felt every prick."

"And Grandmother, what a big thighs you have! *Wolf just starts crying*"

"Dating is hard because guys are like ""You're hot, can we do butt stuff yet?"" and girls are like ""It's been 3 days, where's my ring?"""

"People who decorate their cars for Christmas are in serious need of help."

"Who's Becky, Stan? She's just a country!"

"The average life expectancy for a human being is one life."