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Joke of the Day

"There's a secret menu item at McDonald's but you can't order it, you can only get it by acting like a jerk. (Cheeseburger wiped on shoe)"

"What do 9 out of 10 people consider a good time? Gang rape."

"I've just used glitter spray paint in a confined space, and now I'm on another planet busting disco moves with an intoxicated pixie."

"What does a Math Professor do when he's constipated? He works it out with a pencil."

"Every time I listen to oldies I'm like, ""These people didn't even have cellphones. What the fuck do they know about love?"""

"My wife just said ""I'm pregnant!"" I said ""Hi pregnant, I'm dad!"""

"What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam."

"My haunted house would be one where guys jump out w your tax forms improperly filled out & others handing you phones with your mom on hold."

"The invention of the broom may have swept the nation... ... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire"

"What spins really fast, then gets shot by zookeepers? Harambeyblades . . . . This might be the stupidest fucking joke I've written in months."