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Joke of the Day

"What spins really fast, then gets shot by zookeepers? Harambeyblades . . . . This might be the stupidest fucking joke I've written in months."

"What do you call a sarcastic Canadian cow? Cowlin Mockery"

"How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'"

"What does a college kid do when confronted by an evil spirit? He drinks it just like he drinks every other kind of spirit."

"I wonder what the chimpanzee who will one day feast on your eyes and fingers is doing today."

"Anyone who doesn't believe sentient A.I. will be the death of humanity has never been asked by Waze to make an unprotected left turn."

"You know it's cold outside when... You buy a foot long at Subway and by the time you get it to you car it's a six inch"

"Midget wrestling... ...seems like it would be a pretty short career."

"Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone's mouth while they're talking?"

"Democracy in North Korea is like the dislike button on facebook. Everybody wants it but they shall never get it."