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Joke of the Day

"I've just used glitter spray paint in a confined space, and now I'm on another planet busting disco moves with an intoxicated pixie."

"What's the best thing about fucking a baby? You get both anal and deep throat at the same time."

"[on way to play charades with gf's family] I don't wanna go why I don't wanna look silly you won't *first thing I have to act out is pasta*"

"Karma is my daughter bragging about getting to sleep late this week and forgetting to turn off her alarm."

"My girlfriend is like the square root of -1 Imaginary"

"The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have no switched to mint Oreos."

"When they buried the man who invented Tetris the whole cemetry disappeared."

"A three legged puppy walks into a bar The puppy looks at everyone in the bar and says, I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."

"Why are conspiracy theorists always fat? They believe the proof is in the pudding."

"People say that money is not the key to happiness... ...but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers"